We’ve all had that person in our life, right? You know, the one that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around. You tiptoe around conversations in hopes of avoiding setting them off. You think really hard about what you want to say so that you don’t end up getting their wrath upon you for saying the wrong thing. Being around them is super stressful and you try to avoid it at all cost. Did someone in particular just pop into your head? You know who they are even though they have no clue that they are that person. It sucks having someone like that in your life. Especially when you are told that you can’t say or do certain things around them so you don’t set them off. Especially when you realize that everyone that comes in contact with this person is walking on eggshells too. It’s exhausting and annoying and stressful. Who wants a life lived walking on eggshells? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, not planning on going back thank you very much.
Now here’s a shocker.... my kids don’t always speak kindly to one another. Wait, let me rephrase that. My kids rarely speak kindly to one another. My youngest two know how to push each other’s buttons like professionals playing a poker slot machine. They love to tell each other no when asked for something by the other. When asked to not do something by the other they for some reason think it’s Opposite Day and do it anyway. I am often saying, “respect the ask” and “respect the no”. I am rarely heard. I can hear all you parents out there shaking your heads because you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s annoying as heck isn’t it?
Gillian gets involved in this too. They both know how to push her buttons as well. The other day in the car she had a Starbucks and Emma asked for a drink and Gillian told her “no”. Then Nolan asked for a drink and well because he’s Nolan she said “of course!” and gave him a drink. This irritated Emma and cracked Nolan up. Well Nolan being the clever boy that he is asked Gillian if he could hold her Starbucks and she happily obliged. He then proceeded to hand it to Emma so she could get a drink. Nolan and Emma were both cracking up hysterically at his cleverness and Gillian was pissed and immediately ripped her drink out of Emma’s hands. I have to admit, it was very clever and kind what he had done, but I had to point out that he did not respect Gillian’s no and he wasn’t to do it again. Remember how I said I was rarely heard? Ya. He did it again and this time Gillian was furious when she went to grab her drink back and of course it ended up all over the car and crazy mom came out with her fire and fury. “Why would you do that again?! Why would you push her buttons like that? This is exactly why I told you to not do it!” Nolan and Emma both had grumpy looks on their faces. I could tell that they were so irritated that this sister of theirs was causing issues again and they felt like they were being blamed for it.
The fire and fury subsided after a few minutes and everyone in the car was completely quiet. I suddenly started having flashbacks to being around my eggshell person. The feelings I felt inside were horrible. I hated walking on eggshells and now it sounds like I’m making my kids walk on eggshells around their sister so as to not set her off. I don’t want to do this to my kids. I don’t want them to feel this way. Breath. Just breath. Calm down and rethink this. You are not going to allow your kids to have an eggshell childhood. No one wants to live in that fear. No kid wants those kinds of memories.
I finally calmed down and talked like a sane parent to my kids. “You guys, I’m sorry for losing my cool. I know it sounds like I’m asking you to walk on eggshells around your sister so she doesn’t freak out. That’s not at all what I am asking. I’m asking that we all respect each other and what each person is saying. I’m asking that when Nolan tells you no to something Emma you don’t get all offended and selfish but that you respect his no. Nolan, I’m asking that when Emma tells you to stop doing something that instead of being mean and continue doing it, you respect her ask and stop. I’m asking that we all respect each other and each other’s words. I’m also asking that when we know someone is in a bad mood or having a bad day we show some grace to them and love on them instead of pushing their buttons and making them mad. I’m not getting mad here because you upset Gillian, I’m mad because you don’t respect each other and treat one another kindly. So please please please know that I am not at all asking you to walk on eggshells when you’re around Gillian. I’m asking us all to respect one another. Does that make sense?” As I spoke I could see their faces become less irritated. I could see their anger soften and understanding coming through. They both nodded their heads that they got what I was saying and then they both apologized to Gillian.
I don’t ever want my kids to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around their special needs sister or around each other. I don’t want them to live in fear of setting her off. I don’t want them to think they have to have that kind of responsibility. I do want my kids to know that they have to respect people’s words and treat people kindly and extend grace to one another when necessary. Their actions and words are their responsibility and that is what I want them to remember from their childhood when they are adults.
